Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud! Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.

What happens when two snails get into a fight?

There was once a king who was just 30cm tall. He was a terrible king but made a great ruler.

The only way you’ll lose weight from drinking green tea is when you climb up a mountain and pick it yourself.

I think Laurie is a pretty good defender. Stops most at fullback one on one.

Gawd…

Hope you feel better soon.

So I always get my pizza delivered. I've no idea why they put liver on it in the first place.

I have my doubts about that. Unless we can put some wins on the board the fan base will erode. Juniors will go off to other clubs and play for a winni...

Now that did make me laugh

Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards” Me: “and?”

So I went to see a UB40 tribute act called ‘WD40’ last night.They were a bit rusty at first but got better as the evening went on…

A writer approached me today acting strange and asked me to help him find his back garden… I think he’s lost the plot.

Everyone at our wedding cried. Even our wedding cake was in tiers.

For his birthday, Watson bought Holmes a compact, 12" chessboard... the game is a-foot.