Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? They had a reptile dysfunction.

My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-person meetings, but never in online meetings.When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren't remotely fun...

The man who invented auto correct walks into a barn.He orders a bear.

35 days to go

36 days to go

I asked my boss for a raise because 3 companies are after me. He asked me which ones? I replied: Gas, water and electricity.

37 days to go

I asked a librarian if they had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat?They said it rang a bell, but wasn't sure if it was there or not!

A farmer who owned 67 sheep asked me to round them up. I said: Sure. 70.

When I was abducted the aliens made me wipe my feet, blow my nose, and eat my greens...I think I was on the mother ship...

38 days to go

39 days to go

Me: I’m still tired from all the CrossFit this morning.Co-worker: It's pronounced croissant…

40 days to go…

What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday?