I asked a librarian if they had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat?
They said it rang a bell, but wasn't sure if it was there or not!
I asked my boss for a raise because 3 companies are after me. He asked me which ones? I replied: Gas, water and electricity.
The man who invented auto correct walks into a barn.
He orders a bear.
My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-person meetings, but never in online meetings.
When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren't remotely funny.
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? They had a reptile dysfunction.
5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants.
Now they are tenants.
Turns out you can buy a birthday cake and eat it yourself any time you want! Nobody even checks!
If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.
What are the strongest days of the week?
I gave my friend an apple, and he told me he preferred pears. So I gave him another apple.
A man walked into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said - "Once upon a time, there was this handsome lobster…”
My wife wanted to brighten up the garden. So I planted some bulbs.
I have an internet joke but it’s still downloading.. .. ..
I didnt think my orthopedic shoes would work... But I stand corrected.
I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.…😈