Dad Humour

I woke up this morning so sure I was an 80s pop star... I was adamant.

My wife is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

“Whatever means necessary,” she replied.

“No it doesn’t,” I said.

What are Terminators called when they retire?

My friend is always complaining about his car. I told him I didn't want to hear his Saab story.

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

I love the smell of my F5 key...

It's very refreshing.

There is a car on our road and it has its bonnet up, and it is attracting all the neighbourhood men.

What do you call a boat full of buddies?

What do you call a man lying in front of a door.

Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo? For meatier showers…

Most people write congrats because they don't know the spelling of congrajulashions.

Posted by: @mike

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There is a car on our road and it has its bonnet up, and it is attracting all the neighbourhood men.

Mike I salute your stamina and tenacity in this thread...impressive

This is the first one that went over my head, unless its a statement of fact

I want you to know that someone cares.

Not me, but someone.

Waiter: I see your glass is empty,
would you like another one?

Me: Why would I want two empty
glasses?

How do billboards communicate?