Dad Humour

I invented a new word today ......Plagiarism 

Today someone told me I am average. I responded, that’s just mean.

Today I went to toilet without my phone.

There are 178 tiles in the bathroom.

What do you call James Bond taking a bath?

Todays top fact: 50% of Canada is A

Grandfather: “When I was your age, I could go out with a few dollars and come back with enough food to last the whole week.”

Grandson: “I know Grandfather, but there are security cameras everywhere these days.”

Two surgeons were joking about sutures and had each other in stitches.

Two satellites decided to get married. The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was incredible.

Waiter: I’m glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak?

Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.

So I just got a new job as a church bell ringer.

It's my first day so they're just showing me the ropes.

What do you call a 4.4lb Mockingbird?

Can a Tesla be stolen?

Want to hear a construction joke?

Son: "Dad, can I eat the cake in the fridge?" Dad: "Sure, but the dining room would probably be more comfortable."

I got trapped in a bidding war for a house, because my wife loved the lengthy corridor. Now I’m in it for the long hall.