Dad Humour

I heard there’s a new online dating site for cannibals called, “Tender.”

What does a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Watching TV is a nightmare nowadays!

Violence, fighting, cursing, swearing...

And thats just to get the remote!

What do you call someone who pretends to be Swedish?

We squint at the sun because its bright

We squint at people because they are not...

Wedding ring: a tourniquet worn on the left hand to stop circulation. 

I’ve been trying to think of some vegetable jokes...

If you can think of any, lettuce know.

A truck, loaded with thousands of copies of Collins Thesaurus, spilled its load leaving Melbourne. 
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, surprised, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, confounded, astonished, and numbed.

My wife took off her shirt and bra during an argument where I was winning.

It was a booby trap.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

I accidentally left an apple outside my local doctors office.

Now he wont be able to get in.

Friend: I am thinking of starting a podcast.

Me: I don’t know many whales, do you?