This morning I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs and she told me to press one. So I did...and woke up on the f...

What do you call a clown in jail?

Been making tiny curtains for my laptop - it's got windows.

What Flat-Earthers fear most is sphere itself.

3) Hastings 2) Leilua 1) Laurie

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

My friend Geoff was visiting the wilds of America and accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when a bear attacked... The bear can now ride a bike...

Theres a gang going though our suburb, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order. The police believe theyre still at large.

Theres a lot of cities in France, like Paris, Marseilles, or Lyon. But there’s only one city that’s Nice.

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it.... It's spam...

The greeting card company elected me to its board of directors. I’m proud to be the newest member of the card board!

They would probably choke having to praise the team and Madge…

Not until he apologise for dogging his last few games for us just so he could get an early release. He’s scum…