I asked my boss for a raise because 3 companies are after me. He asked me which ones? I replied: Gas, water and electricity.

37 days to go

I asked a librarian if they had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat?They said it rang a bell, but wasn't sure if it was there or not!

A farmer who owned 67 sheep asked me to round them up. I said: Sure. 70.

When I was abducted the aliens made me wipe my feet, blow my nose, and eat my greens...I think I was on the mother ship...

38 days to go

39 days to go

Me: I’m still tired from all the CrossFit this morning.Co-worker: It's pronounced croissant…

40 days to go…

What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday?

41 days to go… Sorry Froglet…

I bought a new thesaurus today. It's nothing to write house about.

42 days to go…

Pre-season gearing up to watch Wests Tigers is taking its toll… 😂😂😂😂

Don't worry about your smartphone and TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years!