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Dad Humour

(@Anonymous 79)
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 1586
 

Posted by: @tigersteve

Speaking Irish 101

say this fast:

whale

oil

Beef

hooked

Reckon heard something familiar come out of Batemans mouth last Saturday 😜

 


   
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Mike
 Mike
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Hummingbirds are just regular birds that don't know the lyrics.


   
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Mike
 Mike
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A skeleton goes into a bar and orders a pint of beer and a mop..


   
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Mike
 Mike
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What do the movies “The Sixth Sense” and “Titanic” have in common?

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Answer
Icy dead people


   
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Barra
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A fisherman was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams, and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies.......

'You just happened to catch my eye.'


   
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TigerSteve
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Last night I had a horrifying dream that disco was making a comeback 

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.


   
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Mike
 Mike
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I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field."

She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."


   
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Mike
 Mike
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Why do nurses carry red crayons?

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Answer
In case they have to draw blood.


   
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Mike
 Mike
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Police have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the roof of an 18th floor nightclub was not a bouncer.


   
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Mike
 Mike
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What does a banana say to express its gratitude?

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Thanks a bunch.


   
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Mike
 Mike
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I don't trust trees. They're shady


   
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Mike
 Mike
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Why do pancakes always win at cricket?

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Answer
They have the best batter


   
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Mike
 Mike
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My neighbour Pam’s husband got stung by a bee on the forehead.
He’s at the ER now, his face is all swollen and bruised; he almost died.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.


   
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(@Anonymous 79)
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Posts: 1586
 


   
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(@Anonymous 79)
Joined: 3 years ago
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Where does this er lady supposedly live😜??


   
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