When a clock is hungry it goes back 4 seconds...
So I've just been on the weight-watchers website and it asked me if I accept cookies.
I think that’s a trick question.
What do you call a shoe made of a banana?
For @Garry
If you’re more excited about Pearl Jam’s new album than you are about Taylor Swift’s, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.
Ladies… if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes….
You must let that mango 🥭
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convntion in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked. “What’s your Business at this convention?"
“Lecturer." She responded. "I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
“Really?” He said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well.” She explained. “One popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamna is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I’m Sorry." She said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name."
"Tonto." The man said. "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba.
How do you know when you're drowning in milk?
With great power comes huge electric bills!!!
Of course, I do Dad jokes. I'm a groan man!
Just heading out to do some handiwork at Cat Stevens' home.
Awning has broken
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
Fun fact: Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 150 million kilometres unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few centimetres thanks to you.
Do you know what you get when you throw a lot of books in the ocean?
Speaking Irish 101
say this fast:
whale
oil
Beef
hooked