I asked my daughter to give me a phone book. She laughed at me, called me a Boomer and lent me her iPhone. So, now the spider is dead, her iPhone is broken & my daughter is furious…
In memory of Geoff Chisholm (1965-2022)
If you ever get the urge to strip off your clothes and run naked through the streets, just spray yourself with windex….it prevents streaking.
If the earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything over the edge already.
Oldie but a goody
I bet my butcher if he could get the meat off his top shelf , he said the stakes were too high
How do you tell the sex of an Ant?
Drop it in water... If it sinks: girl Ant. If it floats...
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said “I want you to try and sell this to me.”
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually, he called my mobile and demanded, “Bring it back right now.”
I said “$400 and it’s yours.”
Onion rings are actually vegetable donuts.
One for @geo
What do you call a pastry chef who comes up with a new recipe for a pie?
Two blondes were walking through the countryside when they came across some tracks. The first blonde said: "These look like wombat tracks." And the other one said: "No they look like dingo tracks." They argued and argued for a while, and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
I was born a male, I identify as male, but according to Coles sticky toffee pudding, I am a family of 4.
If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor, then Who is
I was struggling to get my wife’s attention. So I sat on the couch and looked comfortable. That did the trick.
