I told my suitcases there will be no vacation this year. I’m now dealing with emotional baggage.
I'm on two diets now... There wasn't nearly enough food on just one.
Become a thespian today
ACT NOW!
Did you know you cannot breathe through the nose while you're smiling?
Auto correct can go straight to he'll.
If you get angry when your cell battery gets low...
You should find an outlet to calm your aggression…
My favourite word is drool. It just rolls off the tongue.
My wife told me to put tomato sauce on the grocery list. So I did.
But now I can't read the grocery list.
Why did the student eat his homework?
Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
We were out for a nice dinner and I took a healthy bite of steak and it got stuck in my throat. I was choking so wife starting pouring beer in my mouth. It dislodged the steak and I was alright. Apparently, it’s called the Heineken manoeuvre.
My son got a part in his school play!
He is playing a man who has been married 25 years.
I told him not to be too upset though, he might get a speaking part next time!
If your life gives you melons, Your life is dyslexic.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
