Dad Humour

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Bought a can of fly spray from the supermarket today.  Sprayed it all over myself…
I still cant fly.

How do you make a Swiss roll?

Apparently exercising helps with decision making. It's true. I went for a run this morning and then decided that I'm never going again!

Me: I'm surprised at how winded I am by this exercise.

Trainer: This was the tour of the gym…

Found a joke in the bin today… It was rubbish.

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Where does an angry sailor go?

When I was a kid, my parents would always say Excuse my French just after a swear word.

I’ll never forget that first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof.

What do you call a person with a normal set of abs?

I can’t believe I just got sacked from the keyboard factory.

They said I wasn’t putting enough shifts in.

Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website, I think I should start uploading my bills.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. But other times I let her sleep in.

Marriage is like a card game.

At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you’ll want a Club and a Spade.