Dad Humour

My mum always used to say 60 is the new 40. Lovely woman, banned from driving.

@mike 🤣🤣🤣

A bit like my missus. She has never had an accident in 25yrs of driving but she has caused a few 🤣

I took my dog to the park today to play frisbee with him. He was useless!

I need a flatter dog...

How do fleas travel from place to place?

What do you call a singing laptop?

Where do naughty rainbows go?

If you see me talking to myself, just move along.

I’m self-employed and we’re having a staff meeting.

I took my car to my mechanic, because it was making a terrible noise.

He removed the Mariah Carey CD and now it’s fine…

My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean.

Banks should do a better job at keeping their ATM's filled.

This is the fifth one I've been to that says insufficient funds.

I don't know who needs to hear this...

But you don't need anything from amazon today.

Tablets were replaced by scrolls, scrolls were replaced by books. Now we scroll through books on tablets.

Electricians have to strip to make ends meet...

What do you call someone who gets mad when he has no bread?

What do you call a bee that never quite made it in the hive?