What did the sushi say to the bee?
Bought a can of fly spray from the supermarket today. Sprayed it all over myself…
I still cant fly.
How do you make a Swiss roll?
Apparently exercising helps with decision making. It's true. I went for a run this morning and then decided that I'm never going again!
Me: I'm surprised at how winded I am by this exercise.
Trainer: This was the tour of the gym…
Found a joke in the bin today… It was rubbish.
Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.
Where does an angry sailor go?
When I was a kid, my parents would always say Excuse my French just after a swear word.
I’ll never forget that first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.
Oof.
What do you call a person with a normal set of abs?
I can’t believe I just got sacked from the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn’t putting enough shifts in.
Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website, I think I should start uploading my bills.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. But other times I let her sleep in.
Marriage is like a card game.
At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you’ll want a Club and a Spade.
