I used to be in a band called missing cat. You probably saw our posters.
I’ve just broken up with my gym. We just weren’t working out.
Just asked Siri: Surely it's not going to rain today?
Siri said: It will, and don't call me Shirley
... Forgot to take my iPhone phone off Aeroplane mode.
The person who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop their kid off at school on their way to work.
I periodically make bad science puns....
I'll be posting telepathically today.
If you think of something funny, that was me.
Her: You are too immature!, I cant handle it anymore, I need a break.
Me: Here have a kitkat.
My wife didn’t believe me when I said that I would give our daughter a silly name. So I decided to call her Bluff.
Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣Her: You are too immature!, I cant handle it anymore, I need a break.
Me: Here have a kitkat.
How long has Anakin Skywalker been evil?
I got pulled over by the cops and asked if I had a police record. I said, no, but I’ve got a Sting album.
