Dad Humour

Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars.

Her: Do you win many races?

Me: Nah, the cars are much faster.

This just in:

Taller People, Sleep longer

What kind of cup doesn’t hold water?

How do trees get online?

I bought a new trimmer today. It's cutting hedge technology.

I pinned a Rolex to the post just outside my house. It’s the neighborhood watch.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

Wife says to her programer husband, Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen. Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.

How does a vegan begin grace before a meal?

My puns aren’t always juvenile. Sometimes they’re full groan.

I got arrested for impersonating a firework. They let me off.

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini. The bartender says, "Olive or Twist?"

I used to be a bus driver but I had to quit. I was fed up of people talking behind my back.

A genie granted me one wish - so I wished to be happy. Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine.

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?