I asked my German mate: "When you spell 'Dog' in German, does it contain the letter K?" He said "K? Nein".
Last night a cinema near me was robbed of over $1000.
The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large drinks and a pack of Skittles.
Why do bears have hairy coats?
Who did the wizard marry?
The older I get... the tighter companies are putting their lids on Jars.
An Irish priest is driving along a country road when the police pull him over. The officer smells alcohol on the priests breath. Officer questions: Have you been drinking? Just water, says the priest. The Officer asks: Then why do I smell wine? The priest says: Good Lord Hes done it again!
What do you call a zombie who writes music?
I went into a pet shop and ordered 12 bees. They gave me 13 and said the last one was a freebee.
I am starting a charity to teach short people maths. It’s called making the little things count.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and your the one they hand the camera to.
What’s the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
My doctor has advised me to stop drinking, it’s going to be a massive change for me.
I’ve been with that doctor for 15 years.
How do you know when you're drowning in milk?
How do you determine the sex of a cell?
