I asked the doctor if I could administer my own anaesthetic... He said go ahead, knock yourself out!
I put my sheet and doona (duvet) cover in the washing machine for a death match to see which one swallows the other.
Did you hear about the woman caught by police with drugs in her bra? They said it was the largest bust ever.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
I received a flyer on anger management the other day.
I lost it.
Why did the electrician fall in love with every girl he met?
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.
Two antennas got married. The wedding was ok.
But the reception was incredible.
I'd just like to thank my English teacher for defining the word ‘many’ for me.
It means a lot.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
What type of bees produce milk?
Not to brag, but I have this incredible talent in predicting what’s inside a wrapped present.
It’s a gift.
Nurse: Theres a man in the waiting room who thinks hes invisible, what should I tell him?
Doctor: tell him I cant see him today