Dad Humour

At a restaurant with food still on my plate

Server: You wanna box for that?

Me: It’s not worth fighting over!

I tried donating blood today. NEVER
AGAIN!

Too many stupid questions; Whose
blood is it? Where did you get it from?
Why is it in a bucket?

When I moved into my igloo, my friends
threw me a house warming party.

Now I'm homeless.

What did one tectonic plate say when he bumped into another tectonic plate?

I’m in hospital!

Don't worry about me though. 

I ate what I thought was an onion, but it turns out it was a daffodill bulb!

Doctors reckon I’ll be out in the Spring.

It doesn't matter if you're tall or short, thin or fat, rich or poor, at the end of the day.....

It's night.

What do you call an underwater dog?

Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Dogs float on water because they're good buoys!

My favorite word is drool.

It just rolls off the tongue.

Why did the frog take the bus to work?

What’s the difference between a sock and a camera?

How do you get a farm girl's attention?

What does a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

My wife accused me of stealing her thesaurus.

Not only was I shocked, but I was appalled, aghast, and dismayed.