My wife asked if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Australians don’t reproduce. They mate.
The only thing my friends like doing with me is eating. I call them my taste buds.
Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car? Feeling sick when paying for it? If so you’ve got the Carowner virus.
You’ve really gotta hand it to short people...
Because they usually can’t reach it anyway.
My dog Buster always chases anyone he sees on a bike. It’s gotten so bad, I had to take his bike away.
I’ve just deleted all the German names from my phone. Now it’s completely Hans-free.
I love my fingers... I know I can always count on them.
What did the baby corn say to the momma corn?
Im a secondhand vegetarian. I eat animals that eat vegetables. That counts right?
I told my doctor I have a problem with my right ear.
He asked if I was sure.
I said: yeah... I'm definite
What do you call a fat psychic?
My wife just told me to put the toilet seat down.
I don’t know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
This thread is always good to read after another disastrous game. Thanks to Mike for his efforts
