A little boy came running up to me and pleaded, Please help! My daddy is in a fight! I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, Which ones your dad?!
He shouted: I don’t know! That’s what they’re fighting about.
My wife handed me two kayak paddles and asked, Which one do you want? I said I’d take either/oar.
Apparently, when you donate organs, they have to be your own! Who’d have thought.
Why was the teacher cross eyed ....because he couldn't control his pupils
What did the guard yell when the pea broke out of prison ......Escapea
No winner last night at the Origami convention’s annual poker tournament.
There was lots of cutting up, but then everyone folded!
What do you call a man in a slow-cooker?
Whats the best part about going out to eat with a duck?
I really want to give up drinking
But noone wants to be known as a quitter
I yelled, “lookout! Cow!!” At a woman on a bike and she gave me the finger.
Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.
I tried…
My daughter says she now identifies as a small group of words that have a collective meaning. Should I be concerned or is it just a phrase?
I asked the nurse if I could do my own stitches...
She said: Suture self
How does a duck fart?
Jokes about unemployed people aren’t funny. They've never worked for me.
While I was cooking today I accidentally rubbed some herbs in my eyes.
I’m now parsley sighted.