Dad Humour

This is the best thread ever. Has really helped my game.

I really need to get up, but I don’t want to hurt my couch’s feelings.

My pet mouse Elvis died last night…..

He was caught in a TRAP 🙏

Took me 30 minutes to take my wife’s bra off last night.

I regret putting it on to be honest. 🥳

Fred complained, I've found a button in my salad.

The waiter replied, That's all right, Sir, it's part of the dressing.

I had a crazy dream last night I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. 
Turns out it was just a Fanta sea. 🐅

Baby Changing Stations are the biggest hoax. The parents always come out with the same kid.

I just farted on my wallet… guess I have gas money now 🙃

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but catscan…

The barman in the pub looked over at me said, Your glass is empty. Fancy another one? Why would I want two empty glasses? I asked.

There was a third off all book titles at the local bookshop so I bought a copy of
“The Lion, The Witch.”

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field."

Puzzled, she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I chuckled, "Well, that means...it’s pasture bedtime!"

What do you call a man who cant stand?

What do you call an underwater dog?

Why did the chicken join the band ?

Cause he had the drumsticks 🙏