I really need to get up, but I don’t want to hurt my couch’s feelings.
My pet mouse Elvis died last night…..
He was caught in a TRAP 🙏
Took me 30 minutes to take my wife’s bra off last night.
I regret putting it on to be honest. 🥳
Fred complained, I've found a button in my salad.
The waiter replied, That's all right, Sir, it's part of the dressing.
I had a crazy dream last night I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.
Turns out it was just a Fanta sea. 🐅
Baby Changing Stations are the biggest hoax. The parents always come out with the same kid.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but catscan…
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, Your glass is empty. Fancy another one? Why would I want two empty glasses? I asked.
There was a third off all book titles at the local bookshop so I bought a copy of
“The Lion, The Witch.”
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field."
Puzzled, she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I chuckled, "Well, that means...it’s pasture bedtime!"
What do you call a man who cant stand?
What do you call an underwater dog?
Why did the chicken join the band ?
Cause he had the drumsticks 🙏
