Paperclips are staples for people with commitment issues.
Why did the vegan cross the road?
When your wife starts a sentence with "When you get a chance..." just go ahead and start putting your shoes on.
She means now…
How do you stop a dog from barking in the back of a car?
I told my doctor that I was addicted to Twitter. He told me it’s untweetable.
If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
There is a new breakfast cereal out for mathematicians, Toasty Numerals. It's for people who like crunching numbers.
Did you hear about the drummer who decided to name all his daughters the same name?
Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?
When life gives you lemons, throw them at people.
My wife woke up with a huge smile on her face this morning. I love felt tips.
You think swimming with dolphins is expensive… Try swimming with sharks…Cost me an arm and a leg!
When I was abducted the aliens made me wipe my feet, blow my nose, and eat my greens...I think I was on the mother ship...
