Dad Humour

What do you call a beehive without an exit?

I have CDO.

It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order.

Like they’re supposed to be.

My new voicemail: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me because I haven't checked my voicemail since 2005."

It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.

Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of a child losing a balloon.

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

The good thing about money is I have nothing to worry about.

What do you call a polite person who builds bridges?

In a mirror you can only kiss yourself on the lips 👄 👄 👄

I just found out Steffi Graf has a sister named Poly. I’m not even lying..

My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent. So I woke him up at 2am to tell him my sock came off. 

A new Tesla doesn’t come with the new car smell... It comes with an Elon Musk.

To be Frank, I’d have to change my name…

After a long argument with my boss, I quit my job at the helium factory. I refused to be spoken to in that tone of voice.