Dad Humour

Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.

What type of fish do two Sodium atoms make?

If your life gives you melons, Your life is dyslexic.

What’s made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

Apparently, they’re not making shortbread any longer.....

My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

The hardest part of making skimmed milk…

Is throwing the cows across the lake.

Why don't vampires bet on horses?

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked: "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

I replied: “No.”

She responded: "How about now?"

What do you call cheese that accidentally escapes from the International Space Station?

Apparently, an RSVP to a wedding invitation with "maybe next time" is wrong.

I know that now…

Why did the tomato blush?

I've opened a gym, where the instructors would go from door to door, to tell people about the benefits of joining it.

I’ve named it Jehovah’s Fitness.

Math puns are the first sine of madness!

There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people. Push and pull.