Dad Humour

My parents admitted that the night I was conceived they were both drunk on Australian beer. It's not nice finding out you're a Fosters child!

What happens after you eat aluminium?

• A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
• An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
• A realist sees a freight train.
• The train driver just sees three idiots standing on the track.

My boss messaged me, “Send me one of your funny jokes”.

I replied, “I’m working at the moment, I will send you one later”.

He replied, “That was fantastic, send me another one!”

What do vegetarian zombies eat?

I know a man that can chop down trees in his sleep. He's a slumberjack.

My buddy said he threw a stick five miles and his dog managed to find it and bring it back... Seems a bit far-fetched!

Why did the fungus go to the party?

How many landlords does it take to fix a light bulb?

What sings beautifully and soaks up water?

Chamois Davis Jr

Sting has been kidnapped. The Police have no lead.

I put a wooden desk and a blackboard in my living room. To make it look more classy.

What is the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs?

A famous explorer who led expeditions to Antarctica and the arctic circle has been diagnosed as being bi-polar.

Worf changed his hair colour because it was a good day to dye !!!