My parents admitted that the night I was conceived they were both drunk on Australian beer. It's not nice finding out you're a Fosters child!
What happens after you eat aluminium?
- A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
- An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
- A realist sees a freight train.
- The train driver just sees three idiots standing on the track.
My boss messaged me, “Send me one of your funny jokes”.
I replied, “I’m working at the moment, I will send you one later”.
He replied, “That was fantastic, send me another one!”
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
I know a man that can chop down trees in his sleep. He's a slumberjack.
My buddy said he threw a stick five miles and his dog managed to find it and bring it back... Seems a bit far-fetched!
Why did the fungus go to the party?
How many landlords does it take to fix a light bulb?
Sting has been kidnapped. The Police have no lead.
I put a wooden desk and a blackboard in my living room. To make it look more classy.
What is the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs?
A famous explorer who led expeditions to Antarctica and the arctic circle has been diagnosed as being bi-polar.
Worf changed his hair colour because it was a good day to dye !!!
