Dad Humour

To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential. 

A friend suggested putting horse manure on my strawberries... I'm never doing that again, I'm going back to whipped cream.

Friend: “Whenever I’m down in the dumps I get myself a new tie.”

Me: “I wondered where you got them.”

Being an adult is so weird... I'm unsupervised all the time, how unsafe.

Seven has even in it. That’s odd.

Scientists just recorded the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe

It takes guts to be an organ donor!

Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went…

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the window. If it gets any worse, Ill have to let her in.

My niece told me this one 

What do prisoners call each other on 

A cell phone 

Smiling increases your face value

True

RIP boiling water….. you will be mist 😛

Me: Doctor I’m a Tee pee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a tee pee, I’m a wigwam

Doctor: your problem is simple. Your too tense

😂

Smoking will kill you...

Bacon will kill you...

But..

Smoking bacon will cure it.