Dad Humour

What do you call an obsessively neat adolescent?

Cleaning windows is a pane. 

So tied of listening to the drilling outside... it's boring....

Therapist: "I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?"

Me: "Can't say I do."

Therapist: "That's one of them!"

What do you call 2 birds stuck together?

There are two typos of people in the world... those who proofread… and those who don't.

Did you know that a piranha can devour a small child down to the bone in less than 30 seconds?

Anyways,

I lost my job at the aquarium today...

I went out to buy a camouflage jacket today, but I couldn’t find one.

Why was the broom late for the meeting?

5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants. Now they’re tenants.

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like to live in China.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

A book fell on my head. I have only my shelf to blame.

At any given moment, the urge to sing, The Lion Sleeps Tonight

is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is
boomerangs. It's also our biggest import.