What do you call an obsessively neat adolescent?
Cleaning windows is a pane.
So tied of listening to the drilling outside... it's boring....
Therapist: "I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?"
Me: "Can't say I do."
Therapist: "That's one of them!"
What do you call 2 birds stuck together?
There are two typos of people in the world... those who proofread… and those who don't.
Did you know that a piranha can devour a small child down to the bone in less than 30 seconds?
Anyways,
I lost my job at the aquarium today...
I went out to buy a camouflage jacket today, but I couldn’t find one.
Why was the broom late for the meeting?
5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants. Now they’re tenants.
I asked my Chinese friend what it's like to live in China.
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
A book fell on my head. I have only my shelf to blame.
At any given moment, the urge to sing, The Lion Sleeps Tonight
is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is
boomerangs. It's also our biggest import.
